


coming home

by hunnieyoonie



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Friendship, Gen, Road Trip, inspired by jj project verse 2, just some soul searching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-03-30 21:22:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19035838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hunnieyoonie/pseuds/hunnieyoonie
Summary: chan sets out on a trip to find himself. he ends up finding 8 other boys instead. maybe he finds himself in them along the way.





	coming home

**Author's Note:**

> uhhh so this is my first skz fic. it’s heavily based on jj project’s tomorrow, today and just all the feelings i get from that song. i hope to write a lot more stuff in the future for skz.
> 
> i hope you enjoy!

Seoul

Chan sighed. He had no idea what he was doing. What had possessed him to rent a van and drive across Korea with no plan? Oh right, the sheer amount of stress he was in because of college. All of the songs he still had to finish writing and producing, just thinking about it made his brain swim. He was glad he could spend some time alone during spring break, but honestly? It just reminded him of everything he had to do when he got back.

Still, he tried to focus on the pretty landscapes and the calming music floating through the car. It worked for about three hours until he needed a break. He stopped on the side of road, getting out and leaning against the car as he looked at the green forest. 

Did he even want to be a music producer? He sighed again. That was a silly question, of course he did. He hated how much he had been questioning himself lately. The amount of times he had called his mom in tears was getting ridiculous.

He took a deep breath and focused on the sounds of the wind rustling the leaves and the birds chirping. Somehow, it made him believe everything would turn out okay. 

Daejeon

Chan drove aimlessly after that. No clear direction, just intent on enjoying this simplicity. He passed through Daejeon and decided to stop there for the night. The city was big and bustling, but still subdued compared to Seoul. He liked the mellowness of it all. 

After checking into a subpar hotel and asking the front desk for suggestions on what to do, he was already deciding on going to the hot springs. The sun still hadn’t set, so he wandered the streets. 

A small, family-owned restaurant caught his attention, advertising meat and warm stews. His stomach growled. The place was small, and being by himself, the staff asked if he minded sitting with someone else. He agreed, not caring as long as he got seated faster.

This decision placed him across a young man, around Chan’s age. He was tan and bulkier than Chan, and seemed like he smiled all the time. He also seemed incredibly put together, unlike Chan.

“So, what’s your name?” the man asked, tilting his head.

“Uh. Chan. What’s yours?” The man told him to call him Woojin. Chan felt strange. As if he had met Woojin before. Or as if he was meant to meet him. 

“So, Chan. You don’t seem like you’re from Daejeon. What brings you here?” Woojin kept smiling at him, and Chan found it difficult not to reciprocate. 

“I’m from Seoul. Just a mini vacation before I have to go back to school.” Before Woojin could ask him another question, the food arrived and the next few minutes were spent in quiet chewing noises.

“What’s your major, Chan?” He was surprised that Woojin kept initiating conversation, but he wasn’t complaining. 

“Music production, actually.” Woojin’s eyes lit up.

“Oh! What type of music? Do you write too?” Woojin was clearly excited. His eyes sparkles and his hands were moving rapidly as he talked, momentarily forgetting his meal.

“Uh, I make rap music mainly. I’ve written a few tracks, but they’re not that good.” Chan felt himself turning red, he hated sounding like he was boasting. 

Woojin grinned at him, and his worries melted away. “You have to show me some of your songs!” 

They finished eating and ended up walking together around the city. Chan looked over at Woojin and wondered what he’d look like in the middle of the day, instead of late night, with the street lamps casting a strange glow. He imagined his tan skin and brown eyes would fit perfectly amongst the bright sun.

Woojin was nodding his head along to some of Chan’s music they had decided to play aloud.

“Oh, I just remembered. What’s your major?” Chan tried to guess in his brain. Education maybe? Or perhaps business or accounting. Woojin just seemed perfectly responsible and mature, he just couldn’t picture him doing something odd.

“I’m double majoring in Vocal Studies and Education. Basically, I want be a vocal coach in the future.” 

Chan’s jaw dropped and could feel his eyes widening comically. “You sing?! And you didn’t tell me?”

Woojin laughed, loud and carefree. “You never asked.” He said, while shrugging.

Chan pouted. “You have to sing me something!” He knew he was childish, but he was desperate to hear his voice. Woojin just smiled and promised to sing by the end of the night. Chan could only pout more before relenting.

They walked in comfortable silence before taking a seat on a lonely bench. He felt so relaxed and comfortable here with Woojin. His brain wasn’t racing and he didn’t feel terrified of what’s to come. For once, he just felt like a normal college student. 

Woojin broke the silence. “Are you afraid? That you’re not meant to be in music? Is that why you’re doing this roadtrip?”

Chan stared at his shoes and nodded slowly. They were old and scuffed and yet he felt a certain attachment to them, despite knowing he needed to throw them out. Sometimes, he felt the same away about his music. It never went perfect and it was always so hard producing his songs, but he loved it. And here he was wondering if it was right for him or if he should throw it out.

Woojin hummed empathetically. “You know, I really miss the days when all we cared about was juice boxes and cartoons.” He smiled at Chan, and he felt his chest bloom with warmth. 

“I know it’s scary, but whatever decision you make, don’t regret it. It’s easy to get pulled into a thousand different directions, but you should do what you want to.” 

Chan felt his heart calm a little at his words. He wished he could bottle this feeling that Woojin emitted. The feeling of warmth and comfort and relief and take it back to use on his most stressful days.

Woojin kept his promise and sang him a song. His voice was pretty and melodic and wonderfully emotional. Chan felt as if Woojin’s voice was pouring into his soul, filling up all the hollow and jagged edges. He felt a thousand times lighter as Woojin finished singing.

He and Woojin parted ways, without much fanfare. Just a small wave, and a chorus of good-lucks and one last warm smile. He wondered if Woojin did that a lot. Talk to random strangers for hours and provide them with a sliver of hope and comfort when they needed it most. The casual way Woojin approached everything made Chan believe he did.

Back at his hotel, he managed to finish a song in two hours. The track was slower, different from his usual songs. He tried to convey his feelings of comfort into it. Somehow, it still turned out sad.

he had a sun-kissed heart  
glowing and bright in that dark city  
ready to tear it apart  
to give to the next stranger that needed it more than he

 

Busan

The next time he sat in his van, he had a clear path he wanted to take. He decided to drive to Busan, since he had never been and had read online that they had excellent seafood.

His mind lingered on Woojin and his words. He felt comforted but it didn’t stop the seed of doubt that remained. 

Busan was colder than he expected. It was windy, but the ocean breeze made him think of Australia so he immediately took a liking to this place. He strolled along the beach, taking in the sound of waves and seagulls chirping. Maybe he could just move here and live his life out on this beach, foraging for food.

He really needed to stop being so dramatic.

A young boy caught his eye. He was in a high school uniform with big bright eyes that screamed innocence. The boy was currently attempting to feed the seagulls, laughing and running away as they attacked his bag of bread.

The boy crashed into him, still laughing as the seagulls swarmed them. “Sorry, hyung!” He said, giggling.

Up close, Chan could see more details. Like how his eyes looked like they held tiny galaxies and how he had braces, making him seem even younger. He also noticed the boy’s name tag, which read Jeongin. 

It was a short exchange, as the boy was already running away, towards a group of other high schoolers, all yelling and laughing. Chan didn’t know why that short conversation affected him so much. 

He tried not to stare too much, afraid he’d look like a weirdo. But his eyes kept wandering over to Jeongin and his friends. They were all so carefree and fearless. That really struck a chord in Chan. They were fearless. They weren’t scared or worried or nervous about life. They just lived it. Chan wondered if he had ever felt that carefree in his life. Maybe when he was really young, before people started asking him what he wanted to do in the future or where he was going to college.

Jeongin had reminded him of his high school years. When he was carefree and happy. Jeongin took him back to a time of no worries and for that Chan was grateful. 

The feeling that bloomed in his chest as he wrote the next song felt a little like nostalgia. Reminiscing, while also feeling like he had lost that youth that Jeongin so obviously has. 

star boy, please help me  
point me to the right way  
let your light guide me  
star boy, i miss the old days

 

Yongin

After eating as much seafood as his stomach could hold and taking thousands of pictures of the scenery, Chan decided he should head back home. He hopped in his van and made the four hour drive back to Seoul.

However, much like the entire trip, something possessed him to not go back to uni, but keep driving. So he did. He stopped at Yongin, a city just outside of Seoul. Chan had read articles about the fun amusement parks here, and figured he could use a little fun.

He bought himself a ticket to Everland and immediately went for the rollercoasters. He loved the thrill and excitement of them, despite most of his friends back in college hating them.

He was finally getting closer to the start of the line where he could see people shuffling into the seats. As he got closer, he saw one of the workers that was managing the lines. 

The worker, Changbin, looked close to his age and incredibly bored. He had the look of a true part-timer, with the addition of some truly intimidating glares. Chan was amused that someone that short could manage to scare a group of high schoolers into silence.

“Hey! You’re up next, head to line 2.” Changbin said to him, pointing to where Chan needed to line up. 

He didn’t know why he was so drawn to Changbin. He had the same itchy feeling in his heart that he felt when he met Woojin and that young high school boy. Like there was something more to them he should know. So as he finished the ride, he made his way to the back of the line, just to get another glimpse of the part-timer.

He got closer to the start of the line, and began craning his neck, desperate for another look at Changbin.

“Dude, you okay?” a deep voice came from behind him. Chan whipped around and came face to face with Changbin.

“Uh....yeah, I’m okay.” Chan said slowly. He wanted to say something else, ask Changbin a question, but the words wouldn’t come out. An awkward silence laid heavy over them.

Changbin glanced up at his snapback and his eyes lit up in recognition. 

“CB97? Do you listen to their music too?” Changbin smiled, and suddenly the intimidating aura he once had melted away.

His friends had given him a hat with his stage name on it for his birthday, mainly as a gag gift. He regretted wearing it now that someone had recognized it.

Chan didn’t want to admit that CB97 was Chan himself, still not used to praise. “Yeah, I’m a big fan of his stuff.” Chan felt awkward not sure where to put his hands or where to look.

“Man, I really wish I could make music like him. I’m still learning and he’s been my biggest role model in this whole process.”

Chan’s heart swelled at Changbin’s words and he hoped his face didn’t show any obvious pride at Changbin’s words.

“You rap too, then?” Changbin nodded. “Do you have a stage name? I’ll look up your music to listen to later!” 

Changbin blushed then and looked down at his feet. “Really, I’m not that good! Don’t expect too much.” He shuffled slightly before glancing up at Chan’s imploring gaze. “It’s SpearB.”

A shout was heard behind him, and Changbin looked over his shoulder before sighing.

“I have to go back to work. Enjoy your ride.” Changbin scurried over to his boss. 

Chan was on autopilot the rest of the day, too excited to go back and listen to Changbin’s soundcloud. 

Back at the hotel, listening to Changbin’s tracks, Chan felt strangely hollow. The music was aggressive and filled with frustration. It reminded him of when he first started making music. His first few tracks were filled with lyrics of anger and frustration, all the feelings he couldn’t express well as a teenager. 

He desperately wished he could tell Changbin it would be okay. He wished he could tell him that he would find friends that would make his dark days a little brighter. Chan wished he could comfort Changbin in some way and the only way he knew how to do so, was to write a song. He hoped it’s message could reach Changbin’s heart when he heard it.

isn’t it so easy to embrace the rage  
we get so used to darkness inside  
we don’t realize that our anger’s like a cage  
just let it go, let the madness go

 

Gimpo

Chan still couldn’t bring himself to go back to Seoul. He felt like he was still searching for something and if he went back to uni, he’d regret it forever. 

So he drove past Seoul and towards Gimpo. He knew there was practically nothing exciting there except the airport. Chan figured he could probably waste a few hours people-watching at least. Back at university, he did it that a lot as a form of inspiration.

He found a bench inside the airport and threw his backpack on it, pulling out his laptop. His eyes swept through the airport, trying to see if anyone jumped out at him. 

His eyes locked onto a boy. He was tall and lean, and rocking back and forth on his heels. He was obviously waiting for someone, holding an obnoxious, glittery Welcome Home sign. 

He started jumping up and down as people started exiting the gates. Chan then saw a another young boy barreling into the other one. This one looked a little like a squirrel, with big cheeks and an even bigger smile. 

They looked happy to see each other, laughing loudly and arms interlocked. Chan’s heartstrings tugged at the sight. Despite having never seen them before, he could practically imagine himself with them. He could picture anxiously waiting with the taller one and decorating the sign the night before. He could picture ruffling the hair of the squirrel look-a-like and hugging him tight, glad to see him again.

The visions faded and his eyes refocused on the two boys, now headed towards the airport exit. He could overhear a snippet of their conversation.

“Minho hyung, you have to treat me to some beef now that I’m back!” 

“Hmmm, is that right? Alright, fine. But just this once, Jisungie!”

He sat in the airport for awhile longer, typing up a song that conveyed a friendship that never was. It almost felt like they were long lost friends, except he knew he had never met them. 

i can see you in the visions of my past  
but when i open my eyes, you disappear  
i wish these images would last  
but we’re nothing more than long lost friends

Seoul

Chan finally made the drive back to Seoul, however very reluctant. He dropped the van off at the rental place, and walked back to his dorm, backpack hanging off his shoulder.

He walked as slowly as he could, not looking forward to going back an empty room. A tteokbokki stand caught his attention, the strong smell drawing him closer.

He sat at one of the tables, focused on enjoying his food, until two boys slid into the chairs across from him. All the other tables were full so he figured they just needed a place to sit. He shrugged and went back to eating.

He couldn’t help but overhear their conversation though. “Minnie, I’m worried about what happens when we graduate. Aren’t you scared?”

The other boy sighed, “Of course I’m scared, Hyunjin. But that shouldn’t stop either of us from doing what we want.”

Hyunjin pouted. “Is it really that easy for you to leave me and go to a different college? Why can’t you study medicine at my uni?”

Minnie looked tired, as if he gone through this conversation a dozen times. “Hyunjin, you’re going to a liberal arts school. You’re studying dance, even. That’s not the right school for me and you know it!”

He looked sad and his eyes started to become glassy. “It’s not like I want to leave you. It’s not like I’m not scared. I’m terrified, but we’re adults now. We have to deal with things like this.”

Hyunjin looked down, his expression that of a kicked puppy. “I wish we weren’t adults, Seungmin. I wish we could go back and be selfish, and no one would say anything.”

At his words, it felt like someone had stepped on his chest. His lungs constricted and tears welled up. He knew exactly how Hyunjin felt. It was exactly how he felt a few years ago, when he had left Australia to study here. He was scared and desperate to not become an adult. He couldn’t handle the responsibilities that came with it. Even a couple years later, he still felt the same. Scared and messy and immature. 

“Uh. Hyung? Are you okay?” One of the boys asked. They both looked concerned and Chan realized a few tears had dripped down his face.

He wiped them away hastily. “Yeah, the spice is just getting to me. Thanks, good luck with college.” Chan grabbed his bag and rushed out of there, giving the two boys a quick bow.

He walked until he found a bench, sitting down and letting out his tears. Memories of him and Woojin sitting on a similar bench came to his mind, and his heart quieted a little. 

He leaned his head back and gazed at the stars. Jeongin’s eyes came to his mind, unwittingly. He thought back to all the songs he had written on this trip for all the people he had encountered, whether it had been small glimpses or long conversations. Images of Changbin talking about music and Minho and Jisung laughing happily floated through his head.

He thought back to the two boys he had just encountered. He promised himself he would write a song for them too. Something that encapsulated the fear of the future, while giving them a piece of hope. He couldn’t tell if he was writing it for them or for himself, but it didn’t matter anyways.

do i have to leave you? do i have to grow up?  
can’t we just stay here just a little longer?  
whatever happens, i won’t regret it  
we’ll still be together in our memories

 

Life dragged on after he finally went back and school started up again. His life became a monotonous cycle of school, music, and work. Chan never questioned his future anymore, intent on accepting the struggles and knowing music was what he loved. 

He often thought of roadtrip and the boys he encountered on it. He had yet to release any of the songs he had written, though. They just played over and over on his computer, as he listened to them constantly, desperate to relive those moments. He still felt like something was missing, like he had one last track to write before he released his album. 

As college continued, he had received a surprising piece of news. He was getting a new roommate, a sophomore who came from Australia.

Chan was genuinely excited. He missed his home more than anything, but he also just missed having a real friend. He had friends at college, but none of them really stuck and he had felt so lonely since he had gotten back from his mini adventure.

A knock at his door pulled him out of his thoughts. The first thing he saw was a mop of bright orange hair as a person slowly peeked his head inside. 

It was odd how just looking at this boy made him feel like he was back at home. His orange hair and tan skin and dark freckles made him feel like he was standing on the shores of Sydney. He smiled.

“Chan? I’m Felix, you’re new roommate.” He looked nervous, hands fidgeting.

“You can call me Chris! Nice to meet you, mate.” At his words, Felix practically melted, grinning widely at him.

Chan could only imagine how happy Felix was. When he first came here from Australia, he had no one that spoke English, having to speak in broken Korean to everyone. Even after years away from home, he still felt homesick. Felix was a welcome addition to his life.

Felix and Chan talked for hours. He found out that Felix was a dance and a music major. Felix asked Chan for advice on his classes and who he should get as his Korean tutor. Chan decided to order pizza and spend the night showing Felix various music videos and Korean dramas.

“Chris, you said you make your own music, right? Can I listen to some of it?” Felix just had to use puppy dog eyes too. 

Chan sighed dramatically. “Alright, I’ll let you listen to some of my unreleased tracks.” He pulled out his computer and played the album for him. He tried not to look to closely at Felix’s reaction, instead focusing on enjoying the music.

As the last song faded out, he glanced at Felix. He was concentrating, looking reflective. 

“So, what did you think?” Chan asked, breaking the lingering silence.

Felix looked over at him finally. “It was really good, but...” He paused looking for the right words to say.

“I obviously didn’t understand anything, but the songs sounded sad. Like you’re missing someone or something. What are the songs about?” 

Chan froze. “I-I guess they are pretty sad. They’re about a lot of things. I wrote this whole thing when I was questioning my decisions and my future.”

Felix hummed. “I hope you’ll include at least one happy song then, Chris. It’ll make it sound more hopeful.” 

Chan smiled and nodded. They spend the rest of the night laughing and playing games. When Felix fell asleep, Chan stayed up and wrote him a song. One that was brighter and told the listeners that his story wouldn’t end unhappily.

i can see the ocean waves just from your face  
your bright smile reminds me of the shining sun  
maybe with you, i can win this race  
maybe with you, i can survive another day


End file.
